Posts Tagged ‘lawyer’

always read the fine print.

June 7, 2010

i’m too smart for this shit.

“thank you for calling rip-off cell phone accessory store/porn account management scam. how may i help you?”

i get paid to lie to people. i get paid to lie and/or be cursed out at any given moment. it really does a number on my psyche and overall positive attitude. i can’t stand lying. i’m not a liar. i’d rather tell the truth and be hated for it than lie just to appease people. but that’s what i do. i lie.

we sell these products for new and up-and-coming cell phones online. when we add a new phone to the accessory list, it’s usually somewhere between one and three months before we’ll ever even get the products in. well, people place orders right away thinking their product will ship out the next day. sometimes, if we already have the items in stock, this may actually be the case. this is like a one-in-twenty shot. if the phone or products haven’t been released yet, we will sometimes list an availability date beneath the product description. however, customers can order the product without ever having to see that date by clicking “add to cart” from the main menu. it’s deceptive, but it’s there. just as our “no refund on shipping costs” and “5% banking fee used to process refunds” is there in the terms and conditions. but who ever actually reads that shit?! i spend my days being someone who i hate.

furthermore, we receive our products directly from the manufacturer (whom we often undercut the price of). the manufacturer can change the availability date of any given product at any given time. okay, fine. but who gets the wrath of the angry customer when she or he has called three times about a cell phone case she or he ordered two months ago, has already been charged for, and has had the availability date changed three times for? the answer is me. my boss encourages us to “just tell them something.” meanwhile, he drives a mazaradi.

then there’s the porn thing. people sign up for a “free three-day trial” or a “$1.97 three-day trial” depending on how old their account is. i don’t necessarily feel as bad about this stuff, because if you’re going to enter your credit card number online to watch porn, you’re a fucking buffoon. um, hi. redtube. anyway, if they don’t cancel their account within the three-day trial period, their credit card will accrue monthly charges of either $44.93 or $39.97 on a monthly basis until the account is canceled. some people understand this concept and read all the fine print thoroughly, but most just want to get their spank on and overlook the details of our “trial membership.” i’ve had some people call that have had accounts with us for over a year and have never known it. oh, you want to be refunded for all of those months you never used the porn account you didn’t know you had? sorry. we can only issue up to three months of refunds. and that’s only in the case of identity theft or fraud. tell you what..i’ll give you one courtesy refund of the most recent charge. wow, i feel great about myself.

now we have this new thing. it’s this energy drink powder stuff. it’s disgusting. people sign up for a seven-day trial of it and receive seven packets of the powder. well, just like the porn thing, if they don’t cancel during the trial time, they’ll automatically become a member after the first seven days and be charged for, and shipped, 30 packets a month. i guess one would notice a 30-day supply of energy powder at her or his doorstep every month, so it’s not as slimy, but it’s still a scam. furthermore, we don’t even have this shit in stock yet. my boss tells me that if anyone calls asking about it, tell them it’s coming in tomorrow. if they call tomorrow, tell them it’s coming in the next day.

i need a shower to wash away all this shame.

i know it’s rough out there in this economy, and i do feel lucky that i even have a job, but it makes me sad to think that because money rules the fucking planet, people are forced to be pieces of shit. hooray! i can pay my rent and keep my lights on! sure, i have to be a complete asshole to do so..but at least we have dvr, right?

i am not anti-work. not in the slightest. i love to work. but i love doing work that helps rather than harms. i love doing work where i can express my creativity and use my brain. i love doing work where i can problem-solve and make people’s lives better. i don’t love doing work where i am a filthy, emotional punching bag.

i’ll leave that to the lawyers in the world.

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