Pained pigeons and paying for poo


The re-cap began at 1:03 A.M. It’s probably much later by now.


Woke up at 7 A.M. Checked out of our hostel in Paris. Had to catch the train by 9. Realize the train is full. Can ride the first-class train at 1 for shit-tons of Euros, or wait for the 3 P.M. one. Opt for the latter. The train station is as cold as an Eskimo’s toe. Without wool socks. Is that racist? I mean, is “wool” still P.C.? Bought a very cool, very thick French magazine about fashion and culture to keep myself occupied. There were English descriptions of things next to the French ones. Thank God. Drank espresso and ate a croissant filled with chocolate. Smoked a cigarette. Took a shit in the water closet for .50 Euro. Quickly getting over my shitting-in-public phobia on account of necessity. Read. Went to a café that had small space-heaters to warm us up. It didn’t help much. Was shocked by the amount of pigeons indoors, eating discarded baguettes. Saw one pigeon with a hurt foot. Claw? Talon? Got a little sad. Ate a ham and cheese baguette and drank an Orangina for lunch. The drink tasted like watered-down 7-Up with a splash of O.J. Read more. Smoked more cigarettes. Had a double Johnny Walker Red on the rocks at noon. At least I waited ‘til noon. The server called me a boy and he a girl. That’s right, drink like a real man. Read more. Smoked more cigarettes. Waited…

And waited…

Ate a chocolate banana tart of some sort. Smoked. Shat again. Jesus, at this point, I had spent 1.00 Euro total…for poo! Finally boarded the train. Tried to sleep. Couldn’t. Wasted 6.00 Euros on a bagel that turned out to have god damn salmon on it. Felt sick. Trains. Reading. More reading.


Finally we arrived in Interlaken, Switzerland. After 14 hours. Nice place. In the middle of nowhere, but nice. Went for a walk. Snow on the ground. Hooters is directly across the park from our hostel. Found a discotheque. Talked to a couple cute Swiss girls about the happenings of Interlaken. One told me the disco is “clo-zed” today, but open tomorrow. Did laundry. Praise Baby Jesus. I finally have clean underwear and don’t have to keep washing them in the sink. Yes, it happened. May go skiing tomorrow. Then dancing.

Saw on TV tonight one of those late-night GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS ads. Full on tits. Butts. Blow-jobs and vibrator-masturbation with tiny black strips over the cash ‘n’ prizes. Tiny.

I think I love Switzerland.

Adventure awaits…and so do my now-dry underwear.


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