Paris: Notre Dame, The Eiffel Tower, and sneezing for Jesus


1:03 A.M.

Coming to you live from Interlaken, Switzerland. Let’s re-cap…


The first night was pretty slow. We stayed at a really nice hostel. Tried to go out for Cassidy’s birthday…only to end up getting some food from the market and taking it back to the room to eat. Couldn’t find anything to do. In Paris?! I think we were in the wrong part of town…

The next day we got up, checked out, and went to the second Parisian hostel we’d be staying in. The area definitely looked more happenin’. It wasn’t. We put our stuff in the room and went out for some sight-seeing. First was the Norte Dame. It was giant. Prolific. A sight to see. We went inside and I was immediately encompassed by this overwhelming somber feeling. The scent of religious incense filled my nostrils. It made me sneeze. Perhaps I’m allergic to Jesus. The ceilings were huge and domed, and every square inch was stuffed with intricate detail – stained glass; statues, large and small; brightly colored – excuse me – coloured gold-leaved Jesus and Mary prints that would make a Puerto Rican living room turn green with envy. And, on top of it, a Mass was being held at the same time we visited. Blue-cloaked choir boys sang their praises while I tried to keep my flesh from frying off my body.

It was funny to see Nicole’s Catholic roots shine through her self-described Atheistic beliefs. She’s still a little school girl on the inside…being made fun of by the rich girls for having Payless shoes. Fuck those girls. They’re probably pregnant coke-whores now.

Next was the Eiffel Tower. After walking for what seemed like forever, and passing hoards of Smart Cars (they’re seriously EVERYWHERE…and bikes…lots and lots of bikes…), we finally came upon it. It wasn’t as I expected. It’s smaller than imagined, and in the middle of a park-like area. I took some pictures and watched the guards circle it quietly; just waiting for some poor fucker to go nuts so they could use their submachine guns that they clutched ever-so-close to their hearts.

I’m glad I got to see these monuments with my own eyes. “Oh, the Eiffel Tower? Yeah, I’ve been there. Wasn’t really impressed…” And then I’d turn my nose to the sky like the classy broad that I am.

Cass was having a kidney stone scare (no, really…she gets them…), so we found our way back to our temporary home. I got some postcards. Stuck my hand in the Seine River so I was in-Seine – “insane” – Ha ha? No? And ate some really fuckin’ good bread.


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